In a world moving faster than ever, raising resilient, mentally strong children has never been more important – or more challenging. Today, more than marks on a report card or trophies on a shelf, what children desperately need is the unwavering presence of their parents: socially, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Children are born neurologically fragile — not resilient. They are completely vulnerable at birth and rely heavily on the adults around them to regulate their emotions and teach them how to cope with stress. Between birth and three years old, a child’s brain goes through its most critical phase of development. During this window, mothers in particular serve as the child’s external nervous system, calming fear, distress, sadness, and buffering stress through emotional attunement and physical presence.
It’s only after the age of three that a child begins to build an internal sense of safety, which becomes the bedrock for future resilience and personality development. But even beyond the early years, children need their parents throughout childhood and adolescence. From ages nine to twenty-five, the second major phase of brain development occurs, and during this time, the emotional presence of parents is critical in helping young people process their experiences, feelings, and setbacks.
True resilience – the ability to adapt to adversity, manage emotions, and thrive — does not simply “happen.” It is modelled daily through the way parents live and interact with their children. Children need mentally healthy parents: parents who are self-aware, sensitive, empathetic, and capable of regulating their own emotions. When parents invest in their own healing – through therapy, coaching, faith communities, and strong friendships – they give their children the greatest gift: a stable foundation to grow upon.
Children also need to see their parents’ taking responsibility for their own mental and physical health. Exercising with your child, spending time outdoors in fresh air, laughing, and playing in the sunshine helps lower cortisol levels and promotes emotional regulation – for both parent and child. These activities are not simply “nice to have”; they are crucial. They teach children that movement, connection, and joy are essential parts of a healthy life.
Similarly, sitting down at the breakfast or dinner table without screens, waking up an hour earlier to truly hold emotional space for your child, and reading good books, scripture, or praying together build not only intellectual capacity but emotional strength and deep relational security. These daily rituals show children that love is active, disciplined, and consistent.
In a society where co-sleeping and physical affection are sometimes frowned upon, we forget how essential touch and closeness are. Helicopter rides on dad’s shoulders, gentle tickles, shared laughter, and lots of kisses all build a child’s sense of belonging and emotional safety.
Fathers also play a unique biological role. The hormone vasopressin – more prevalent in fathers – fuels protective behaviours that teach children how to manage excitement and aggression, which is crucial in societies like South Africa where children need strong role models to navigate violence and instability. And when biological fathers are absent, extended family members and close friends can step into these vital protective roles.
Community is another essential pillar. Faith-based communities, in particular, offer long-term mental health benefits according to studies, including one from Harvard. Children who grow up attending religious services regularly show greater emotional resilience and overall mental well-being later in life. Today, we must reclaim the importance of communal life, strong family ties, and meaningful friendships if we are to raise healthy children.
Technology must also be carefully managed. Children today need monitored screen time, not unrestricted access. They need animals to play with, fresh air, unstructured time outdoors, and plenty of real-world problem-solving experiences. A childhood rich in nature, movement, and human connection is the best inoculation against anxiety, depression, and emotional fragility.
At the heart of it all is one simple truth: parents must prioritize their own health and healing first. Before my own child, I thought I could “do it on my own.” Motherhood taught me otherwise. I learned to reach out, ask for help, and value the abundant resources around me – affordable childcare, strong family networks, and the beauty of raising a child alongside grandparents, friends, and a loving community.
We must stop idolizing money and corporate status over motherhood and parenting. We must create more opportunities for entrepreneurial work and flexible careers that allow mothers (and fathers) to remain emotionally present during the critical years of their children’s development. Time raising children should not be punished or hidden in gaps on a CV; it should be celebrated as leadership of the highest order.
Children must also be taught to tolerate frustration – a skill at the core of true learning and resilience. In primary school, marks are far less important than the development of patience, empathy, emotional regulation, and persistence. These are the traits that build strong nations, thriving families, and fulfilled lives.
In the end, we must remember: children do not learn resilience by being pushed to perform. They learn it by being deeply loved, consistently nurtured, and wisely guided by adults who are willing to do the hard internal work themselves. They need to see us live what we hope for them – socially, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Only then can they grow up strong enough to meet the challenges of the world with grace, courage, and joy.
If we want to raise resilient, mentally strong children, we must first be willing to lead ourselves with discipline, love, and presence. Children thrive when they see their parent’s model healthy eating, regular exercise, emotional regulation, and faith-filled living. This is not an easy journey, but it is the most important one you will ever take – and you don’t have to do it alone. If you are ready to invest in your family’s future by investing in yourself, seek out coaching, find a community, and start building the structures your children need to flourish. The small daily choices you make today will ripple through generations. Now is the time to lead with courage, sacrifice, and hope – your children are counting on you.
